5: Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?
What ‘They’ Say
Going back to song meanings for one last time, the people have spoken, and their consensus appears to be that Paul saw two monkeys having sex in the middle of a road at one point in his life. Whereas most people would look away or drive onwards, Paul kept watching and his cunning song writing brain clicked away at another idea. ‘If the monkeys can be so carefree about love’, he thought to himself, ‘then why can’t humans?’ And with that, he wrote himself another song, probably on the back of his hand because there are only two different lines during the whole thing, and recorded it for legenedary oddball collection “The White Album”. Another commenter thinks that Paul sounds like an “old black guy” on the song, whereas most of the others are engaged in a long recitation of Eric Idle’s ‘Wink wink nudge nudge’ character.
There is really a lot of gold stuff on the board for this song. Others still suggest this song is about The Rolling Stones getting arrested for public exposure after they had a wee by the side of the road – sadly, you see, people were watching them. Oh, and then some people pick up on the “no one will be watching us” line as a reference to the Orwellian control that the Government enforces over us, thus restricting all of us forever more. And one person thinks it’s kinky.
The Song, Then
As you can see, many conflicting ideas come after people listen to this song, which perhaps shows that less is more? Anyway, the main concern I have with this song is why Paul thinks nobody would watch him if he does ‘it’ in the road. As a member of the most famous quartet in musical history (sorry ABBA) he would doubtless have been followed everywhere by legions of fans. If he chose to get his kicks in the middle of a road, then surely he would be seen by someone? At the very least, a road is… where cars drive. The dangers of doing it in the road are much greater than simply the peril of being ‘seen’ by someone. If you get hit by a car whilst lying in the middle of the road in a missionary, you’re pretty much done for. What makes least sense is the fact that I, amongst everyone else in the world, instantly thinks that this song is about sex. Paul doesn’t even go so far as to explain the ‘it’ of the song, instead just repeating it again and again and… you get the idea. He could be talking about a tea party, in which case – why would he have a tea party in the middle of the road? This seems like a reckless move. Knowing Paul though, he is probably talking about hilarious amounts of drug-taking.
Taking drugs in the middle of the road is almost certainly a bad move.
I don’t like to pick, but Sir Paul always singles this song out for praise whenever people ask him if he’s a cosy songwriter who can’t do edgy stuff. This, and Helter Skelter, which itself narrowly escaped inclusion into this list. That’s all very well and good, Mr McCartney, but at the very least couldn’t you have made this song make sense?
Showing posts with label The Beatles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Beatles. Show all posts
Saturday, 24 May 2008
Tuesday, 19 February 2008
Five Beatles Songs That Make No Sense
4: I’m Looking Through You
What ‘They’ Say The Song Is About
Everyone says the same thing; the song is about your lover changing. Not physically, they note, because that’s impossible unless you’re C-List Spiderman villain ‘The Chameleon’, or… an actual chameleon. Everyone is in pretty sound agreement that the change is mental, that the person you love (or indeed, you) has suddenly become a different person to the one you knew. The comments are all so bland that it’s hard to mock them particularly, although I’m sure the nastier ones among you will be able to make some kind of play on the person who says that “The person they've become is no longer consistent with their outward appearance” – closet racist? Make up your own jokes, people. I got nothin’.
The Song, Then
Another Paul McCartney number (listen, I know you’re all upset that I don’t pick on John, George, godblessim’ Ringo, but I genuinely just picked the first five nonsensical sounding songs I could find and they all happened to be written by McCartney. So if you’re a-wanting to go blaming anyone, go blame God. Or Fate. Or whoever you think controlled my internet search. Google, perhaps. Anyway, Paul assures us that he can see straight through us, which must be some sort of reference to ghosts, I’d imagine. Paul McCartney admits he can see ghosts, just like Jennifer Love Hewitt! Now there’s a future Daily Express headline. So he can see straight through us, which means he knows where we are. So how come his next line is “where did you go?”? That makes no sense at all.
We have to imagine that he cannot see the ghost then, and that he assumes we’re in the same room as he is, somewhere, without having any actual proof. He’s probably high. So he can’t see us. Then he goes and says “you don’t look different.” COME ON, McCartney! Make up your Scouse mind! I haven’t got past the second line and already this song is totally confusing. It goes on like this for quite some time, until he gets to a point where he says “love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight”, thus revealing that all along he is taking to the poetic ideal of Love. Right, so that’s our grounding point then. Excellent. Except… how come McCartney’s idea of Love is something with a mouth? And why does he say that it lives “down there”? Is this some kind of sex joke?
From “You don’t look different” to “I tell you you’ve changed”: this song is just more evidence that Paul McCartney is one muddled young man indeed. Love cannot talk, dude, you’re just hallucinating again. Who was it that said giving the Beatles access to drugs was a good thing? Can't agree with you! Having said that; I really dig the bass on this song.
What ‘They’ Say The Song Is About
Everyone says the same thing; the song is about your lover changing. Not physically, they note, because that’s impossible unless you’re C-List Spiderman villain ‘The Chameleon’, or… an actual chameleon. Everyone is in pretty sound agreement that the change is mental, that the person you love (or indeed, you) has suddenly become a different person to the one you knew. The comments are all so bland that it’s hard to mock them particularly, although I’m sure the nastier ones among you will be able to make some kind of play on the person who says that “The person they've become is no longer consistent with their outward appearance” – closet racist? Make up your own jokes, people. I got nothin’.
The Song, Then
Another Paul McCartney number (listen, I know you’re all upset that I don’t pick on John, George, godblessim’ Ringo, but I genuinely just picked the first five nonsensical sounding songs I could find and they all happened to be written by McCartney. So if you’re a-wanting to go blaming anyone, go blame God. Or Fate. Or whoever you think controlled my internet search. Google, perhaps. Anyway, Paul assures us that he can see straight through us, which must be some sort of reference to ghosts, I’d imagine. Paul McCartney admits he can see ghosts, just like Jennifer Love Hewitt! Now there’s a future Daily Express headline. So he can see straight through us, which means he knows where we are. So how come his next line is “where did you go?”? That makes no sense at all.
We have to imagine that he cannot see the ghost then, and that he assumes we’re in the same room as he is, somewhere, without having any actual proof. He’s probably high. So he can’t see us. Then he goes and says “you don’t look different.” COME ON, McCartney! Make up your Scouse mind! I haven’t got past the second line and already this song is totally confusing. It goes on like this for quite some time, until he gets to a point where he says “love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight”, thus revealing that all along he is taking to the poetic ideal of Love. Right, so that’s our grounding point then. Excellent. Except… how come McCartney’s idea of Love is something with a mouth? And why does he say that it lives “down there”? Is this some kind of sex joke?
From “You don’t look different” to “I tell you you’ve changed”: this song is just more evidence that Paul McCartney is one muddled young man indeed. Love cannot talk, dude, you’re just hallucinating again. Who was it that said giving the Beatles access to drugs was a good thing? Can't agree with you! Having said that; I really dig the bass on this song.
Saturday, 26 January 2008
Five Beatles Songs That Make No Sense
3: Blackbird
What ‘They’ Say The Song Is About
Many people think that the song is about empowerment of some kind, with varying suggestions coming in saying that Sir Paul is trying to empower the South Americans, the female gender, blackbirds (Bill Oddie would be proud) or black people. In fact, a user who has for some reason decided that “1Cancer” would be a great idea for an internet forums name is the first to suggest that the song is about the plight of African-Americans, which leads to this classic reply from another user – “yeah, that’s what I heard too *agrees with 1Cancer*”. Now if that alone doesn’t single-handedly prove the genius of internet forums, I don’t know what does.
The Song, Then
You may have noticed that all the songs I tend to pick on are written by Paul McCartney, and the reason for that is that I haven’t ever forgiven him for breaking Jane Asher’s heart. Poor girl, she never knew what was coming. But anyway, let’s get to the song. Paul describes a bird singing at night-time, which for a start is biologically very very unlikely. Apart from owls, have you ever heard birds singing at night-time? Everyone knows that birds only sing in the early morning, and they only do it then so they can annoy anyone nearby who happens to be trying to sleep. Said it before, I’ll say it again: birds can be cruel. So say we accept this as fact though, that the bird has perhaps got a mixed-up bodyclock and starts singing at night-time. Showing his skills as an empathiser, he tells this bird with “broken wings” to learn to fly, which seems unnecessarily cruel to me. Dude, the thing is in some quite hideous pain right now, and you want it to fly? Why, is this one of your sick, sick games? You’re a monster, Paul McCartney!
And this is made worse by the fact that he continues to taunt the crippled creature with the line “you were waiting for this moment to be free”. Way to kick a bird when it’s down, McCartney! We’ve established that the bird is injured and in pain, and now you continue to taunt it endlessly? You’re a heartless Scouse bastard. Yet of course, many people would suggest this song is about black people, and there’s just one flaw with that logic: black people can’t fly. Or at least, not that I know of. I know black guys can jump really high, but I’ve yet to see them take off into the air and start soaring around merrily, laughing at the white folks below. Although… that would probably make for a good Stephen King novel.
So we’ve established that the song isn’t about black people – when have they ever had troubles, anyway? It’s not as if they were cruelly enslaved by other people for generation after generation and perceived to be an inferior race, people! What a—wait, what? They were? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH OLD PEOPLE? First they have all these wars, and now I find out they’ve been enslaving other races just because they’re different? I am so ticked off to hear that, you have no idea. I’m going to go to a residential home right now and beat up some pensioners, as my own personal way of making up for Segregation – black people of the World, I hope this small act helps in some way to heal the wounds that my ancestors caused for you.
What ‘They’ Say The Song Is About
Many people think that the song is about empowerment of some kind, with varying suggestions coming in saying that Sir Paul is trying to empower the South Americans, the female gender, blackbirds (Bill Oddie would be proud) or black people. In fact, a user who has for some reason decided that “1Cancer” would be a great idea for an internet forums name is the first to suggest that the song is about the plight of African-Americans, which leads to this classic reply from another user – “yeah, that’s what I heard too *agrees with 1Cancer*”. Now if that alone doesn’t single-handedly prove the genius of internet forums, I don’t know what does.
The Song, Then
You may have noticed that all the songs I tend to pick on are written by Paul McCartney, and the reason for that is that I haven’t ever forgiven him for breaking Jane Asher’s heart. Poor girl, she never knew what was coming. But anyway, let’s get to the song. Paul describes a bird singing at night-time, which for a start is biologically very very unlikely. Apart from owls, have you ever heard birds singing at night-time? Everyone knows that birds only sing in the early morning, and they only do it then so they can annoy anyone nearby who happens to be trying to sleep. Said it before, I’ll say it again: birds can be cruel. So say we accept this as fact though, that the bird has perhaps got a mixed-up bodyclock and starts singing at night-time. Showing his skills as an empathiser, he tells this bird with “broken wings” to learn to fly, which seems unnecessarily cruel to me. Dude, the thing is in some quite hideous pain right now, and you want it to fly? Why, is this one of your sick, sick games? You’re a monster, Paul McCartney!
And this is made worse by the fact that he continues to taunt the crippled creature with the line “you were waiting for this moment to be free”. Way to kick a bird when it’s down, McCartney! We’ve established that the bird is injured and in pain, and now you continue to taunt it endlessly? You’re a heartless Scouse bastard. Yet of course, many people would suggest this song is about black people, and there’s just one flaw with that logic: black people can’t fly. Or at least, not that I know of. I know black guys can jump really high, but I’ve yet to see them take off into the air and start soaring around merrily, laughing at the white folks below. Although… that would probably make for a good Stephen King novel.
So we’ve established that the song isn’t about black people – when have they ever had troubles, anyway? It’s not as if they were cruelly enslaved by other people for generation after generation and perceived to be an inferior race, people! What a—wait, what? They were? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH OLD PEOPLE? First they have all these wars, and now I find out they’ve been enslaving other races just because they’re different? I am so ticked off to hear that, you have no idea. I’m going to go to a residential home right now and beat up some pensioners, as my own personal way of making up for Segregation – black people of the World, I hope this small act helps in some way to heal the wounds that my ancestors caused for you.
Saturday, 12 January 2008
Five Beatles Songs That Make No Sense
2: Lady Madonna
What ‘They’ Say The Song Is About
Religion, prostitution, motherhood... a criticism of Catholicism's stance against birth control... Take your pick. One person even dares to suggest the song about Jesus’s mum, but is quickly put in his place. Serves him right.
The Song, Then
The idea that the song would be about mothers seems quite simple, until you realise that the song itself has no coherence at all.
“Friday night arrives without a suitcase”, anyone?
“Sunday morning creeping like a nun”?
These are sentences which make no sense, people. Friday night arriving without a suitcase is a strange idea, because it implies that Friday night can actively carry things, which of course, it cannot, being a time and not a physical…thing. If it could, is Paul suggesting that Friday would be poor and unable to afford a suitcase? Frankly, this line is unwieldy. Moving on, and comparing Sundays to a nun is all well and good, but a creeping one? I cannot remember the last time I saw a nun do any good, honest creeping, I really cannot. There just isn’t a situation that would require a nun to do any creeping. They walk with a saintly grace, Paul McCartney, and you know it!
Paul then wonders how Madonna will feed the rest of her children now she has one at her breast (quick point; this is almost certainly the Madonna from the bible, not the anglophile adoptathon singer-lady. That’d be strange). This indicates that Paul is unaware as to the breast-feeding process. After one baby has been fed, you see, she could feed another one. It’s not like only one baby can be fed a day. Honestly, Paul! One last thing; he repeatedly tells us to “see how they run!” – the babies? They’re still being breast-fed, how can they run? The only thing that can be learnt from this song is that Paul McCartney has no idea what a baby is or how they work.
Then again, singers never were very good with babies (why HELLO, Mr Jackson!) I’m talking about Mr Jackson who lives opposite me obviously; I would not dare to mock the skin-diseased former childstar you thought I was referring to. I’d be sued within an inch of my life..
What ‘They’ Say The Song Is About
Religion, prostitution, motherhood... a criticism of Catholicism's stance against birth control... Take your pick. One person even dares to suggest the song about Jesus’s mum, but is quickly put in his place. Serves him right.
The Song, Then
The idea that the song would be about mothers seems quite simple, until you realise that the song itself has no coherence at all.
“Friday night arrives without a suitcase”, anyone?
“Sunday morning creeping like a nun”?
These are sentences which make no sense, people. Friday night arriving without a suitcase is a strange idea, because it implies that Friday night can actively carry things, which of course, it cannot, being a time and not a physical…thing. If it could, is Paul suggesting that Friday would be poor and unable to afford a suitcase? Frankly, this line is unwieldy. Moving on, and comparing Sundays to a nun is all well and good, but a creeping one? I cannot remember the last time I saw a nun do any good, honest creeping, I really cannot. There just isn’t a situation that would require a nun to do any creeping. They walk with a saintly grace, Paul McCartney, and you know it!
Paul then wonders how Madonna will feed the rest of her children now she has one at her breast (quick point; this is almost certainly the Madonna from the bible, not the anglophile adoptathon singer-lady. That’d be strange). This indicates that Paul is unaware as to the breast-feeding process. After one baby has been fed, you see, she could feed another one. It’s not like only one baby can be fed a day. Honestly, Paul! One last thing; he repeatedly tells us to “see how they run!” – the babies? They’re still being breast-fed, how can they run? The only thing that can be learnt from this song is that Paul McCartney has no idea what a baby is or how they work.
Then again, singers never were very good with babies (why HELLO, Mr Jackson!) I’m talking about Mr Jackson who lives opposite me obviously; I would not dare to mock the skin-diseased former childstar you thought I was referring to. I’d be sued within an inch of my life..
Sunday, 6 January 2008
Five Beatles Songs That Make No Sense
1: The Fool On The Hill
What ‘They’ Say The Song Is About
A lot of people here are going with the idea that it’s about this fool, right, and he’s sitting on a hill, yeah, and… that’s pretty much as far as most people get. But some people do try and go further, suggesting that the Fool is either Martin Luther King Jr, or Jesus, or Paul himself, inadvertently slandering black rights, religion and Paul McCartney in the process. One person even tries to make the point that the song is closely linked to Galileo’s heliocentric ideas. Seriously.
But, Looking At It...
Paul is responsible for this song, which starts off sensible but rapidly becomes confusing and irrelevant. A man sits on a hill, smiling, for days on end, making no movement at all. Okay, so maybe he’s meditating? But then, here’s a thing – what stays perfectly still and sometimes wears a fixed grin? I'll tell you: someone who has been killed by The Joker. So what we have here is a corpse that has been lying on a hill for a few days now, and nobody has done a thing to clear it.
This could possibly be some kind of plea from Paul to cleaning companies to buck up their act, yet the fact that this man’s eyes are spinning around whenever the sun goes down suggests that there is an element of autistic struggle brought into the song. If only it had been released a few years later, we could easily claim that the song is about a child who watched Pokemon and went into a seizure. It’s quite confusing how Paul has gotten these images together in one place. That the man has a thousand voices which are all speaking loudly doesn’t help the song, because apparently nobody else can hear him. So this corpse can talk?
Things get worse, though, because all the people who are watching him (he appears to have a drawn a crowd, this talking corpse – I can’t question that logic) know exactly what’s going on. Nobody is looking around, wondering what the hell is going on that allows a dead body to talk and smile and have creepy spinny eyes. To top it all off, this guy on the hill “knows that they’re the fools”. This is the opposite of what should be expected in the situation. If a crowd of people can fully understand the possible rebirth of someone who was either killed by Japanese TV or a fictional comic-book villain on a hill somewhere and NOT be entirely confused by the situation, then I would not call them fools.
I would call them highly suspicious.
What ‘They’ Say The Song Is About
A lot of people here are going with the idea that it’s about this fool, right, and he’s sitting on a hill, yeah, and… that’s pretty much as far as most people get. But some people do try and go further, suggesting that the Fool is either Martin Luther King Jr, or Jesus, or Paul himself, inadvertently slandering black rights, religion and Paul McCartney in the process. One person even tries to make the point that the song is closely linked to Galileo’s heliocentric ideas. Seriously.
But, Looking At It...
Paul is responsible for this song, which starts off sensible but rapidly becomes confusing and irrelevant. A man sits on a hill, smiling, for days on end, making no movement at all. Okay, so maybe he’s meditating? But then, here’s a thing – what stays perfectly still and sometimes wears a fixed grin? I'll tell you: someone who has been killed by The Joker. So what we have here is a corpse that has been lying on a hill for a few days now, and nobody has done a thing to clear it.
This could possibly be some kind of plea from Paul to cleaning companies to buck up their act, yet the fact that this man’s eyes are spinning around whenever the sun goes down suggests that there is an element of autistic struggle brought into the song. If only it had been released a few years later, we could easily claim that the song is about a child who watched Pokemon and went into a seizure. It’s quite confusing how Paul has gotten these images together in one place. That the man has a thousand voices which are all speaking loudly doesn’t help the song, because apparently nobody else can hear him. So this corpse can talk?
Things get worse, though, because all the people who are watching him (he appears to have a drawn a crowd, this talking corpse – I can’t question that logic) know exactly what’s going on. Nobody is looking around, wondering what the hell is going on that allows a dead body to talk and smile and have creepy spinny eyes. To top it all off, this guy on the hill “knows that they’re the fools”. This is the opposite of what should be expected in the situation. If a crowd of people can fully understand the possible rebirth of someone who was either killed by Japanese TV or a fictional comic-book villain on a hill somewhere and NOT be entirely confused by the situation, then I would not call them fools.
I would call them highly suspicious.
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