Showing posts with label Regina Spektor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Regina Spektor. Show all posts

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Wilftonville's Endless Year Of Awards: Worst Male Artist

Worst Male Artist

You think that you already know where this award is going, don’t you? You’re almost certain that I’m going to award this to one of the many acts who have already been disparaged in this column. Well, you’re totally wrong today. Give it three weeks and you’ll be right, but at the moment you’re wrong, because the award for worst male artist is heading off to Ben Folds, who released a new album in 2008 which was almost entirely awful.
The deep shame is that Ben Folds used to be one of my favourite artists – when he was back with his trio, the beautifully named “Ben Folds Five”, he released a fair few albums which I absolutely love. His early work was admirably shabby and student-chic, but then developed into some of the smartest and most brilliantly-produced work you’ll hear. And then he went solo, and his music slowly started to turn away from him. He has good solo songs, and each solo album has at least one worthwhile song on it, but ‘Way To Normal’ is an almost complete failure. The only good song on it is a duet with Regina Spektor, and everyone knows already that anything with Regina Spektor in is going to be fantastic. Because Regina herself is an excellent lady of appealing charm.


Above: Regina saves the day

That aside, the rest of the album is a smug, nasty, poorly-recording piece of work which is irritating and disappointing in equal, gigantic portions. It’s a massive shame to se someone throwing away his cachet in the way Folds has.

Awarded to: Ben Folds

Friday, 8 February 2008

How To Seduce 60 Beautiful Women (Part 3)

And again with the lines guaranteed to land you a date with a star.


31: Regina Spektor
“What do you say we go in the ‘back of a truck’ and test your ‘fidelity’, Regina?”
This line references not one, but two of her songs, and also shows you are a strong, confident guy, something that girls love.

32: Jem
“Ah! I appear to have ‘finally woken’, thanks to you.”
The beauty of this line is that it compliments her on the good work she has done, and by showing your gratitude you show that you are emotionally available.

33: Delta Goodrem
“I can be your rock, if you want? Well… part of me can!”
Humour is the ultimate ice-breaker.

34: Kirsten Dunst
“Kirsten, you are crazy/beautiful”
I will leave it up to you whether you say the slash or you mime it. Just be careful with your mime that you don't look like you are trying to attack her.

35: Tara Summers
“I’ve got what a girl wants”
This enigmatic opening line invites her to begin conversation, which will then hopefully lead on to better things.

36: Joanna Newsom
“I only have ‘Ys’ for you”
Never underestimate the strength of a powerful pun.

37: Zooey Deschanel
“I’ve never had a failure to launch whenever you’re around”
One worry women have is that you will prove to be a 'flop' in the bed. This line, then, acts as a way to tell her that you will be no such problem.

38: Lily Allen
“Promise you – if you go with me, you’ll never need to write another breakup song again.”
It was either this, or something about making her 'smile'. I stand by this line.

39: Norah Jones
“Oh, this old thing?” [Get out a sitar] “Yeah, I play from time to time…”
This is a highly cunning idea - her father used to play sitar, this will give her fond memories of her childhood. You will, of course, need to learn to play sitar in order to use this one.

40: Eliza Dushku
“I have Faith in your beauty, Ms Dushku”
Simple, and romantic. Can't fail.