5: "Clana" – Clark and Lana, Smallville
The character of Clark is Smallville is fundamentally a way to stall us. We know that Lana is going to piss off out of the picture eventually, and Lois Lane will take over with the awkward stares and nervous shifting over at the Daily Planet offices. The figure of Lois looms over everything that happens on the show, as we all know that sooner or later the entire cast will be killed off apart from Lex Luthor, Clark’s mum, and Clark himself. None of the others are going to even factor in his life anymore. And seeing how none of them get mentioned in the comics or films anywhere, we can probably assume that Clark is either a heartless bastard or gets amnesia in the near future. Either way, everything that happens on Smallville is completely pointless and doesn’t really factor in any way to the future Superman that Clark is destined to become. On the other side of the partnership, Lana is dull. It makes you wonder if she was always boring, because the Lana who exists on Smallville right now is a black hole of nothing interesting. If any sane man were in Clark’s shoes, by this point they would have completely quit on Lana and moved over to the far better Chloe, played by Allison Mack. Chloe is funnier, smarter, arguably prettier and doesn’t suck all the water out of a room when she enters. Clark looks like a complete spastic for not hooking up with Chloe.
6: "Joonterviewee"
This is the shipping name for any person Jools Holland interviews on his shoes. The guy just can’t do the interviewing bit, people, and we have to let him down gently about this. He can still present Later…, he’s a lovely man and we all greatly respect him for everything he’s ever done. But at the same time, he is a poor interviewer and they should cut out all the interview sections from the show forever. Please.
Showing posts with label Jools Holland. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jools Holland. Show all posts
Wednesday, 8 October 2008
Monday, 26 May 2008
Who Will Replace Terry?
Terry Wogan has had enough of Eurovision, and you can’t blame the guy. For the past ten years or so he’s sat by and watched as the British entry has failed miserably (with the exception of HAWTNESS Jessica Garlick, who came third), and has had countless attacks aimed at him because he realises, as does most of Britain, that Eurovision is a popularity contest and not based on the music. Actually, it’s probably because he has noticed this that Britain has. And he’s not just a passive bystander, remember. Terry picks and befriends and promotes the entrant each year, appearing on TV shows and doing interviews and doing his best to boost the profile of these bands and singers, only to see them fail. It must be a little heartbreaking, and you could hear at the end of Eurovision this year the despair and aggravation in his voice as he debated whether we should bother with it anymore.
Terry’s better than Eurovision now, and he deserves his break from it, should he choose to pass on the baton. But the Eurovision will remain, and the only question is: who will take over? A lot of people have been pushing Jonathan Ross to do it, because he does everything else so nobody will notice, but that’d be a mistake, as would Jimmy Carr, that other guy who presents TV in Britain. You need someone who isn’t a one-trick pony, who can do more than that. So I’ve compiled a list of people who I think would be great for Eurovision, and I urge you, should you agree with any of them, to form petitions and start chaining yourself to BBC headquarters in order to get your person into the job.
Graham Norton: The cheeky Irishman would be just the ticket for guiding us through the camp joys of Eurovision, and could poke joyous offensive fun at proceedings. He could also, though – and this is the key thing – do so whilst still being in awe of the whole event. It’s tailor-made for his personality.
Mark Radcliffe: The Radio 2 DJ has a wry eye for details, and if anyone would be able to tell us that the Romanian entrant looks like a broken TV set with green mouse ears, it would be him. At the very least, he should take over if Ken Bruce moves over from the Radio 2 programme to the TV broadcast, which is possible.
Rob Brydon: My personal favourite choice. Brydon can do pretty much anything, having an astonishingly wide repertoire. He also has a superb voice for the event, and a wicked sense of humour. He could make fun of something and then pull himself back and tell us off for agreeing with him.
Jools Holland: Imagine the awkwardness of any interview Jools has ever done on his show, but stretched out for three hours or so. Wouldn’t that be fantastic?
Claudia Winkleman: Three hours of listening to the delightful Claudia Winkleman would be fine by me! I love you, Claudia Winkleman.
Ronnie Corbett: The great thing about Ronnie is that he would be reminded of a story by seeing someone from Armenia or something, and would go off on a long-winded joke about things, paying no attention to what is happening on screen, making for a superb night of calming television.
Brian Blessed: Admittedly, I’m pushing it a little here.
Who would you like to see?
Terry’s better than Eurovision now, and he deserves his break from it, should he choose to pass on the baton. But the Eurovision will remain, and the only question is: who will take over? A lot of people have been pushing Jonathan Ross to do it, because he does everything else so nobody will notice, but that’d be a mistake, as would Jimmy Carr, that other guy who presents TV in Britain. You need someone who isn’t a one-trick pony, who can do more than that. So I’ve compiled a list of people who I think would be great for Eurovision, and I urge you, should you agree with any of them, to form petitions and start chaining yourself to BBC headquarters in order to get your person into the job.
Graham Norton: The cheeky Irishman would be just the ticket for guiding us through the camp joys of Eurovision, and could poke joyous offensive fun at proceedings. He could also, though – and this is the key thing – do so whilst still being in awe of the whole event. It’s tailor-made for his personality.
Mark Radcliffe: The Radio 2 DJ has a wry eye for details, and if anyone would be able to tell us that the Romanian entrant looks like a broken TV set with green mouse ears, it would be him. At the very least, he should take over if Ken Bruce moves over from the Radio 2 programme to the TV broadcast, which is possible.
Rob Brydon: My personal favourite choice. Brydon can do pretty much anything, having an astonishingly wide repertoire. He also has a superb voice for the event, and a wicked sense of humour. He could make fun of something and then pull himself back and tell us off for agreeing with him.
Jools Holland: Imagine the awkwardness of any interview Jools has ever done on his show, but stretched out for three hours or so. Wouldn’t that be fantastic?
Claudia Winkleman: Three hours of listening to the delightful Claudia Winkleman would be fine by me! I love you, Claudia Winkleman.
Ronnie Corbett: The great thing about Ronnie is that he would be reminded of a story by seeing someone from Armenia or something, and would go off on a long-winded joke about things, paying no attention to what is happening on screen, making for a superb night of calming television.
Brian Blessed: Admittedly, I’m pushing it a little here.
Who would you like to see?
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