The Eleven Secret Herbs and Spices of KFC

KFC think that their delicious chicken is due to a secret recipe they have that they can mix together to make the food tastes so nice, and that nobody else will ever make such delicious chickens as them because nobody can replicate it. They’re so proud of this fact that they stick it on the side of all their packaging, in big bold type. Because, you see, nobody will ever figure out what the eleven herbs and spices could ever be. People, presumably scientists and cooks, read this packaging and see the logo, and they think “oh, well if these herbs and spices are SECRET, then we’ll never find it out, so what’s the point in trying to?” It is thus that nobody has ever attempted to try and work out what the spices were.

Until now. Wilftonville sees this logo not as a statement, but as a challenge instead. There is only one thing that the KFC people didn’t think through when they put up the logo “made with eleven secret herbs and spices”, and this is that they have revealed exactly how many herbs and spices you need to mix together in order to replicate the KFC style. And one other thing that they haven’t thought through, so there are two things they haven’t thought through, is that there are only ten herbs and one spice that exist in the world, anyway. So their special recipe is really made up of these ten herbs and that one spice, so it’s easy to work out what the ingredients all are. The last thing they didn’t think through was that by mentioning there was a spice involved, they have played right into our hands.

Here are the eleven ingredients of KFC food. We put them up without any intent at making profit from it, but at the same time if you want to give us some money or cook us some chicken as a thank you, we’d accept it.

Herbs
1: Parsley (codename: The Lion)
2: Basil (codename: Brush)
3: Sage (codename: Tessa)
4: Onion ( codename: AV Club)
5: Lavender (codename: Diamond)
6: Rosemary (codename: Clooney)
7: Mint (codename: Card)
8: Dill : codename: Germany)
9: Banana (codename: The Velvet Underground and Nico)
10: Rocket (codename: Racer)

Spices
1: Pepper (codename: Percy)

Stolen From The AV Club

I was about to make some hilarious jokes about R Kelly's trail in America for filming himself... peeing... on an underage girl. But then I read this synopsis, and realised I didn't even have to write any jokes. The synopsis alone is hilarious stuff. Thank you, AV Club. You've saved me a good ten minutes, and I love you accordingly. Here's the text:

"Nearly six years after R. Kelly was indicted on 14 counts of producing child pornography—stemming from a videotape that allegedly shows him engaging in sex acts with a woman who could have been as young as 13 at the time—his trial has begun. Jury selection was held last week, but opening statements for the R&B singer’s trial began this morning, and the Chicago Tribune is reporting that the videotape in question could be shown in court as early as this afternoon.

Both the prosecution and the defense fought to bar the video from being shown in court, but Judge Vincent Gaughan denied those requests last year, saying he could not find an “overarching interest” in keeping the tape from the press and public. As the alleged victim has denied being in the video, Gaughan says there is essentially no victim to protect by not showing the tape. It will be the first legal, uncensored airing of the video.

R. Kelly has pleaded not guilty."

from http://www.avclub.com/content/newswire/r_kelly_trial_underway