Most Underrated Act:
In Britain, 2008 was yet another year for women to come along and laugh in the faces of men. Female singers are now by far the best ones around in our country, with everything from Kate Nash and Lily Allen right through to M.I.A. or Duffy. In fact, the retro musicians did themselves rather well all year, Duffy being one of the more obvious talents to break through recently. However, with people like Amy Winehouse and Duffy taking up space, less brashy musicians found themselves struggling for space. Among them were people like Laura Marling, the little folk sprite who wrote some of the best love songs of the year armed only with her acoustic guitar. She very almost wins the category for one story alone, which goes along these lines:
Laura Marling was only seventeen at the start of this year, and because of this she was on more than one occasion not allowed into the bars where she was due to perform because she couldn’t provide any ID for the locale, and was thus legally required to remain outside. After this happened for the nth time, she got tired of it and simply started her gig by the front door, with her guitar as the only backing. Head to Youtube and you will be able to find countless videos of her performing in the street, because she decided to do it a few times as a form of mini-protest. Her album, anyway, was called “Alas I Cannot Swim”, and is a great debut from this talented folkie. She sings love songs, but proper love songs that are intricately written and perfectly performed. On top of this, she won a Mercury Music Prize. So how come nobody seems to have heard of her?
Awarded to: Laura Marling
Showing posts with label Lily Allen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lily Allen. Show all posts
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Wilftonville's Endless Year Of Awards: Worst Group
Worst Group:
Many a group could claim this award as their own: the Ting Tings were disliked by most everyone over the age of thirty; Scouting For Girls had one melody to their name and milked it repeatedly for every single on their album; and The Script were one of the latest in a long line of wuss-rock bands who moaned and ached their way into the hearts of almost eight different teenage girls. In this year for tatty rubbish, however, the one band which emerged from the wreckage in a tightly choreographed group (including one who holds her leg above her head once every three minutes) were The Pussycat Dolls.
It’s one thing to release a song which is critical of the music industry – musicians do it all the time, and a lot of Lily Allen’s popularity springs from her single-minded hatred for her own bosses. It’s quite another thing, though, to release a song which seems to be critical of the music industry but actually proves to be written by the industry and promoted vigorously by the music industry in a semi-ironic wink from the music industry to itself. That’s what The Pussycat Dolls did with their richly shite track “When I Grow Up”, which also tried to rhyme ‘movies’ with ‘boobies’ and failed. In a year when The Black Eyed Peas failed to release an album, it was left to this band to give us all the poorly constructed lyricism which is part of a tweenager’s staple diet. Having given us some awful music, it should also be remembered that the band viciously market themselves as sexually attractive, when in reality they appear to be five poorly-rendered barbershop mannequins brought to life by dark wizards. Poorly-rendered, male mannequins. It’s not exactly setting a good example for the children, is it?
And let’s not forget their reality TV Show. No wait: lets.
Awarded to: The Pussycat Dolls
Many a group could claim this award as their own: the Ting Tings were disliked by most everyone over the age of thirty; Scouting For Girls had one melody to their name and milked it repeatedly for every single on their album; and The Script were one of the latest in a long line of wuss-rock bands who moaned and ached their way into the hearts of almost eight different teenage girls. In this year for tatty rubbish, however, the one band which emerged from the wreckage in a tightly choreographed group (including one who holds her leg above her head once every three minutes) were The Pussycat Dolls.
It’s one thing to release a song which is critical of the music industry – musicians do it all the time, and a lot of Lily Allen’s popularity springs from her single-minded hatred for her own bosses. It’s quite another thing, though, to release a song which seems to be critical of the music industry but actually proves to be written by the industry and promoted vigorously by the music industry in a semi-ironic wink from the music industry to itself. That’s what The Pussycat Dolls did with their richly shite track “When I Grow Up”, which also tried to rhyme ‘movies’ with ‘boobies’ and failed. In a year when The Black Eyed Peas failed to release an album, it was left to this band to give us all the poorly constructed lyricism which is part of a tweenager’s staple diet. Having given us some awful music, it should also be remembered that the band viciously market themselves as sexually attractive, when in reality they appear to be five poorly-rendered barbershop mannequins brought to life by dark wizards. Poorly-rendered, male mannequins. It’s not exactly setting a good example for the children, is it?
And let’s not forget their reality TV Show. No wait: lets.
Awarded to: The Pussycat Dolls
Friday, 8 February 2008
How To Seduce 60 Beautiful Women (Part 3)
And again with the lines guaranteed to land you a date with a star.
31: Regina Spektor
“What do you say we go in the ‘back of a truck’ and test your ‘fidelity’, Regina?”
This line references not one, but two of her songs, and also shows you are a strong, confident guy, something that girls love.
32: Jem
“Ah! I appear to have ‘finally woken’, thanks to you.”
The beauty of this line is that it compliments her on the good work she has done, and by showing your gratitude you show that you are emotionally available.
33: Delta Goodrem
“I can be your rock, if you want? Well… part of me can!”
Humour is the ultimate ice-breaker.
34: Kirsten Dunst
“Kirsten, you are crazy/beautiful”
I will leave it up to you whether you say the slash or you mime it. Just be careful with your mime that you don't look like you are trying to attack her.
35: Tara Summers
“I’ve got what a girl wants”
This enigmatic opening line invites her to begin conversation, which will then hopefully lead on to better things.
36: Joanna Newsom
“I only have ‘Ys’ for you”
Never underestimate the strength of a powerful pun.
37: Zooey Deschanel
“I’ve never had a failure to launch whenever you’re around”
One worry women have is that you will prove to be a 'flop' in the bed. This line, then, acts as a way to tell her that you will be no such problem.
38: Lily Allen
“Promise you – if you go with me, you’ll never need to write another breakup song again.”
It was either this, or something about making her 'smile'. I stand by this line.
39: Norah Jones
“Oh, this old thing?” [Get out a sitar] “Yeah, I play from time to time…”
This is a highly cunning idea - her father used to play sitar, this will give her fond memories of her childhood. You will, of course, need to learn to play sitar in order to use this one.
40: Eliza Dushku
“I have Faith in your beauty, Ms Dushku”
Simple, and romantic. Can't fail.
31: Regina Spektor
“What do you say we go in the ‘back of a truck’ and test your ‘fidelity’, Regina?”
This line references not one, but two of her songs, and also shows you are a strong, confident guy, something that girls love.
32: Jem
“Ah! I appear to have ‘finally woken’, thanks to you.”
The beauty of this line is that it compliments her on the good work she has done, and by showing your gratitude you show that you are emotionally available.
33: Delta Goodrem
“I can be your rock, if you want? Well… part of me can!”
Humour is the ultimate ice-breaker.
34: Kirsten Dunst
“Kirsten, you are crazy/beautiful”
I will leave it up to you whether you say the slash or you mime it. Just be careful with your mime that you don't look like you are trying to attack her.
35: Tara Summers
“I’ve got what a girl wants”
This enigmatic opening line invites her to begin conversation, which will then hopefully lead on to better things.
36: Joanna Newsom
“I only have ‘Ys’ for you”
Never underestimate the strength of a powerful pun.
37: Zooey Deschanel
“I’ve never had a failure to launch whenever you’re around”
One worry women have is that you will prove to be a 'flop' in the bed. This line, then, acts as a way to tell her that you will be no such problem.
38: Lily Allen
“Promise you – if you go with me, you’ll never need to write another breakup song again.”
It was either this, or something about making her 'smile'. I stand by this line.
39: Norah Jones
“Oh, this old thing?” [Get out a sitar] “Yeah, I play from time to time…”
This is a highly cunning idea - her father used to play sitar, this will give her fond memories of her childhood. You will, of course, need to learn to play sitar in order to use this one.
40: Eliza Dushku
“I have Faith in your beauty, Ms Dushku”
Simple, and romantic. Can't fail.
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