Saturday, 31 May 2008

A Doctor Who Exclusive from Stephen Moffat

Hello everyone! My name is Stephen Moffat, the man who is going to be taking over the best show on British TV that doesn’t feature Gina Bellman in it; “Doctor Who” for the next series. Russell T has done a lot of good work with bringing the show into the next century/millennium, but he still gets criticised a lot for some of his storylines. I understand that. I’m a writer too, after all, and it’s impossible to not look at the show with a somewhat critical eye. There are going to be changes once I take over, I promise you that, and just to wet your appetite I thought I’d mention a few of the things I’m going to be doing to the show which will make it better.

1: Firstly, what’s up with bringing back the Daleks every three or four episodes? Has there been a series without any daleks in it, yet? I’m so sick and tired of those things! Rest assured, I won’t be having any daleks in my show at all. Not one.

2: We’ll be spending more time in the TARDIS. It has more than one room after all, so what’s the point in NOT exploring it? I expect to set most of my episodes within the Tardis from now on, which will be revealed to contain a bar and sofa room so the Doctor can lounge around from time to time and have some fun, idle chat with his companions.

3: There seems to be a thing where the relationships on the show are all inconceivably messed up. Rose and Martha were both much too young-looking to fit in with Tennant or Ecclestone, and when Donna got brought in (a character who actually looked like a decent fit for Tennant) she was instantly pushed away from the romance role. My version of the show won’t be like this. The majority of characters will be in their thirties, to give a more weary approach to time-travel shenanigans.

4: Gina Bellman will become the next Doctor. There, I said it. She’s such a good actress! I really can’t understand why people don’t cast her in everything, because she can do comedy (like she did on Coupling) or drama (like she did on Jekyll). She’s a great all-rounder, and will make a great Doctor.

5: Each episode will play part of a larger arc, but will be individually contained. The structure of each episode will be messed around with quite a lot, because this makes the show more interesting. We’ll be showing flashbacks and flash-forwards within the episodes, to comic effect, as well as using split-screen and nonlinear narrative.

6: Episodes have featured serious scenarios and real-life problems in the past, and my show will follow up on this. We’ll be pushing the limits of primetime TV with episodes where the characters call each other up all the time and talk about sex. In fact, I may as well reveal this to you now… sex will be the main theme of the show, which will be more adult. It won’t be depressing, though! In fact, we plan to spice up everything by making the show a broad comedy.

7: The theme tune will be drastically reworked into a techno version of the classic song “Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps”. We will also be renaming the show “Coupling”, as part of the relaunch.


  1. Come now. You'd choose Gina Bellman over Sarah Alexander???

  2. I'd like to put in a vote for Kate Isitt, myself. Underated.

  3. Now that you mention it, I'd have put her above Gina Bellman as well. Still, if you Image search on Google for any of the three Coupling lasses they've amazingly all exposed their breasts on television at some point or other.

    (Welsh Accent)mmm, brrreasts...(/Welsh Accent)

    (As a side note, however, you'd have to give some form of supplementary part to Sheridan Smith, surely...)

  4. No... more... daleks? But I loves them, Steve, don't take my Daleks away from me.