9: "Co…rdelia" – Connor and Cordelia, Angel
It’s tough to think of a shipping name when both characters have the same first two letters in their names. Condelia? Cornor? Heh. Cornor. Anyway, these two are just a horrible, horrible couple. Once Joss Whedon made the fatal mistake of leaving his shows Buffy and Angel with other people while he made a brilliant space-western TV shows, both shows started to get bleak in his absence. Buffy went off to semi-date a vampire who then tried to rape her, but there’s no way that can compare to the terrifying vision of love-triangle oblivion that was offered us by Angel. In season 4 the eponymous hero was in love with his friend Cordelia, which in itself was a slightly iffy move for his character. Before the two of them could claim love for each other – Cordy also fell in love with him for some reason - Cordelia ascended to become a higher being and Angel got locked up in a casket at the bottom of the sea. These shows seem a lot stranger in retrospect, don’t they? Despite these, uh, setbacks, the characters reunited, only now Angel’s son had been aged by sixteen or so years and was now hunting down his dad looking for murderous revenge. He was called Connor. Can you see where this is heading? Yep, Connor made up with his dad a little bit and then fell in love with Cordelia, who then got attracted to him and they moved in together and their mother-son dynamic they had grew into…
So then it turned out that Cordelia wasn’t Cordelia anymore, but had instead been possessed by a demon or something, and she got killed off and Connor written out of the show during series 5 (which is also known to many as the ‘Joss comes back and fixes the mess’ series). But by then it was too late – the general public had witnessed a sex-scene which was wrong in at least seventeen different ways.
Maybe one day we’ll list them for you.
10: "Every couple in Grey’s Anatomy", Grey's Anatomy
Writing a melodrama seems easy, because you can do anything you want with the characters. Don’t like a husband? Throw him in a volcano. Want the dead husband to then return? Claim it was his twin who got knocked in. The trouble is that when you start setting up ludicrous storylines like this, you then start having to one-up your past moves. You have to get sillier and sillier, and that’s the problem that Grey’s Anatomy got into/is still suffering from (why haven’t they cancelled that show yet?) To start with, there were simple stories where each character suffered from unrequited love because the person they loved suffered unrequited love because that person… and so on. Then the cast started switching round who it was they fancied, until after a few seasons everyone had slept with each other but fancied other people who they couldn’t have because of the disturbing past-history they had with someone else. Almost everyone on the show – especially the supposed underdog character George, who has somehow managed to sleep with Ellen Pompeo, Katherine Heigl, and a large number of the supporting cast – has made out with people that it makes no sense for them to make out with. As a result, Grey’s Anatomy can surely contend to be:
“THE MOST WRONG SHOW ON TELEVISION.”