Monday, 20 October 2008

The Next Messiah

Hey, everyone. This is, uh, God. I was watching from up here where I live, and gosh, but all of you seem to be just so silly at the moment! You are stuck in the middle of all these wars with the strong countries attacking the weak ones, and the weak countries attacking the other weak countries, and then some countries aren’t fighting anyone at all… and they’re being told off for it! But I don’t want to get stuck on that whole ‘war’ issue (could go on for ever!) when there are other things crossing my mind at the moment. But, while I am here – what’s with all that war? Really? Do you have to?

Alright, I’m sorry, I got a little off-point for a minute there. You’re wondering now, why would I ever come back to Earth now and talk to you, when there are literally billions of other planets I have to focus on, being the Almighty and all. The problem is that no other planet that I’m in control of (I’ve all but given up on Tyl, in honesty. I think it’s just better to leave them to it at this point. You can’t win everything!) is annoying me quite so much. Not annoying, as such. I don’t get annoyed, I don’t think. In fact, I don’t think at all – one of the abilities that comes with having created the logic of thought. I just don’t have to think! Makes life much easier. So anyway, can’t really explain any of this, and I don’t mean to be patronising when I say that I can’t explain it – but quite literally, your brain will not understand what it is about Earth that is making me write this now. The part of your brain which you aren’t using is the part that would comprehend this.

Sorry for getting technical. And sorry for apologising all the time! I’ll get to the point, I think, before I start getting myself all tangled up. Basically, I’ve been sending you Messiahs since like forever, and yet you haven’t been paying attention. I’m not going to name any of them, obviously, because that’s not my job. That’s what they’re supposed to do. If I were to go about naming who was a Messiah and who wasn’t, then you’re going to start crowing about whose religion was right and whose wasn’t. I don’t want any of that! So right, let’s get on with the point. I keep getting sidetracked.

Y’know, just so we’re clear on things? There is no correct religion. There are correct beliefs, because if you were to think “oh, God has blue fur” for example, and I do actually have blue fur, then that’s a correct belief you have. If you start having a religion going on there, then what’s that all about? You’re just starting things up based on the beliefs. But facts… you can’t take facts and then create rituals based on them! It’s just…. Oh, how silly and everything. I get confused just trying to think about it. But that’s another diversion. The point, yeah.

So these Messiahs I’ve been sending you. They don’t seem to be getting through! It is so silly! I couldn’t understand what was going on, really I couldn’t. But just recently, it suddenly dawned on me that you aren’t able to converse with tadpoles and ferrets. That’s where I’ve been going wrong all these years! You see, the Messiahs I tend to send down to Earth in order to explain who I am and what I like (meaning of life? Pff! Do what you want, so long as it’s nice! I created life, what kind of meaning do you need?) have thus far been less human than you’d think. Every single parrot in the Southern Hemisphere is aware of what’s going on round here, but because I haven’t sent any humans down in, oh, ages, you all seem to have forgotten. Meanwhile, the crabs are strutting around like they own the place, because I’ve sent them a Messiah. It’s something you’ll have to work round.

I totally have plans for sending another human Messiah at some point in the future! I just haven’t got round to it yet. It takes a lot out of me, you need to realise, and sending one at a time is tiring enough. Sending out multiple Messiahs is just not on the cards right now There’s a queue, too, so when I put you in there, you have to be prepared for the wait. That’s going to happen. So for the moment, nothing’s going to be coming your way. I hope you don’t mind, but even if you do mind nothing’s going to happen.

What I’m saying is… be patient. Or go learn how to speak Kestrel, because that’s what the current Messiah is.

Me Bless,


PS: I used this blog as a way of getting the message across, because I like to support an underdog. Thought you might be wondering about that one!

1 comment:

  1. I love that two of the tags to this article are "God" and "guest writer".