Thursday, 7 August 2008

The Five Best Bosses In Ocarina Of Time

Ocarina of Time is filled to the fly-fishing gills with cool bosses. From giant mutants to viruses and ghosts and tentacle monsters (oh sweet lord, the tentacle monsters), OOT has something to satisfy everyone. As you now know he’s one of your favourite characters, it should come as no surprise to you that he dominates this list, with two (and a half) of the five entries being different versions of him. But is he the best boss? There are so many cool fights in there, perhaps something else might make it…?

5: Twinrova
Twinrova is the name of two witches who fly around above Link and fire down fire and ice on him as he tries desperately to avoid them. They are toying with him, and make this completely transparent to him as they soar across the screen, which adds to the fun of what is, admittedly, not the hardest of the boss fights. Link fights them by throwing their attacks back in their faces using a reflective shield he’s just picked up – how convenient that is, eh? When Twinrova dies – wait, there’s more here. Before we get to their brilliant death scene, let’s just go back to their start. Twinrova appear before, and kidnap a character that Link has just made friends, in a scary cut-scene that sinks the friend into quicksand and (at the time it’s presumed) killing her. There aren’t so many deaths in the game, so seeing the witches possibly kill someone is awesomely fearsome. Anyway, back to the death scene. I won’t spoil it for you, but it is so cartoonish that you won’t quite believe it as it happens. You should definitely Youtube it if you’re ever bored.

4: Bongo Bongo
This is such a bizarre boss that only Nintendo could ever have thought him up, those crazy Japanese fools. First, Link falls through a tunnel and onto a platform that floats in the air, for no discernable reason. Then a giant hand hits the ground next to him. And then a second hand hits the ground on the other side of him. Without warning, a strange eye-thing appears in the sky and watches him. The hands then start hitting the ground again, and you suddenly realise: You are on a massive bongo drum. Yes, friends – Nintendo realised the inherent dangers that would be presented to anyone who was shrunk down to miniature size and forced to live on top of a snare drum while someone was playing it… and turned it into part of their game. It’s so completely stupid that you have to applaud them for it. Sony never do anything as spastic as that!

3: King Dodongo
King Dodongo is a classic boss. Everything is present and correct – he is a giant dinosaur, you are an underdog, there is magma flowing round the centre of the room you fight him in – you can’t really need much more. Although if you do want more, then how about I tell you the way to kill King Dodongo? You throw bombs into his mouth. Now, I don’t know about you, but when a dinosaur is so strong that a magically sword isn’t good enough to hurt it, and you have to resort to throwing bombs into his mouth to kill him… well, that just reaches a whole new level of bad-ass, doesn’t it?

2: Phantom Ganon
This is the first of the bosses you face as an adult, and is just brilliant in most every way. This is a ghost on horseback who jumps out of paintings and hurls bolts of pure magic at you whenever he gets a chance, forcing you to parry them back at him using your sword. What lends this battle an extra layer of brilliant is that it is the only boss that Ganondorf himself sets on you during the game – once the phantom is defeated, Ganondorf sends you a message telling you how this was just a test, a rehearsal, if you will, for the real battle coming later in the game. Also; creepy. Very, very creepy. The music alone makes your spine tingle in ways that the Powers That Be never intended them to tingle.

1: Ganon
Easily the best battle in the game, because you can feel things are really at stake. Just when Link feels that he’s saved the day, Ganondorf jumps out of the remains of his castle and transforms into a gigantic pig thing with stupendously massive fire-swords. Yay! You are then stuck inside a circle of magic fire as Ganon rampages towards you and tries his damndest to kill the hell out of you – you can try hiding behind parts of the scenery, but Ganon is able to destroy them! There is seriously no escape here, for once. Add to this the sweeping music and Zelda’s worried scream from the sidelines whenever you get hurt (which, as we said, we love her for). And did we tell you that Navi has no way of working out how to kill Ganon? It’s completely up to you to work it out! That’s mind-blowingly great.


  1. Present for you sir:

    And it's unrelated to this post. :P

    Mmmm. Lyger.

  2. I bet you don't play as Gannon in Smash Bros. though, because he's just a slower version of Captain Falcon.

    Show me yer moves

    and so on.

  3. I'm glad you didn't list the boss of the stomach-digestive-juices level. Whatever he was called.

  4. Oh, Barinade, yeah. I hate everything about that level, and he was no exception to the rule.

    Ganondorf is actually my character of choice on Smash Bros (when I'm not Link/Pikachu), although I do love Falcon's need to explain each of his moves as he does it.

  5. Also... I'm fairly sure Lyger just killed that man.