Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Seven Reasons I Don’t Watch Smallville

1: Why is Lex Luthor played by a young, bald person? Everybody knows that Lex Luthor is Gene Hackman in disguise. I cannot comprehend why anyone would want to watch a programme which pretends that Gene Hackman does not exist. In the X-Men films they got Captain Picard and Gandalf and made them look younger with technology; why couldn’t they have done that with Gene? Then, perhaps maybe the show would be worthwhile.

2: Nobody likes Superman. He’s a perfect hero with only one weakness, which happens to be a magical kind of rock. Apart from that, he always wins and he always gets his way. I want to see a program about an interesting, flawed, and complex comic-book character, which is why I religiously watch Dennis The Menace. (Gnasher is my favourite)

3: I’ve never heard of this ‘Smallville’ place before. Superman lives in Metropolis, doesn’t he?

4: Clark Kent doesn’t wear glasses on the show when he's not Superman. He does in the movies and comics, and the only reason I can think for why he doesn’t wear them on this show is that the show’s producers are prejudiced against the short-sighted. Hopefully Clark will have a horrible accident involving his eyes sometime soon.

5: I’m led to believe the show is about farmers. I do not care for farmers, and never will.

6: My main issue: there is no interest in “Superman; the early years”. Y’know what’d be more interesting? “Superman; the killing aliens and fighting as a superhero to save the world” years. Then we could have him flying around with his costume and Lois Lane would be around and he’d fight aliens and baddies and save the day all the time. That’s a much more interesting premise for a show that watching a teenager mope around a lot about the girl he fancies (and he’s not even going to end up with her! Way to waste our time, Smallville producers!)

7: No Batman? What’s up with that?


  1. 'I do not care for farmers, and never will'. Ha!

    What have you got against farmers? The fact that they've got a grocery store out back?

  2. It's just... they know things that mere humans should not have ever known.

    How did they KNOW to milk cows?
    How did they KNOW that sheep wool can be used to make coats?
    How did they KNOW that chicken eggs can be eaten?


  3. Smallville is nothing more than the pussification of the Superman legend for all of those ingrate, stupid assed teeny boppers out there. Out is "Truth, Justice, and the American Way", and in walks teenage melodrama.

    And yes, "no Batman, what the fuck?" indeed.

  4. Farmers are more than 'mere humans'. They're something akin to agricultural deities. They feed corn crops on sweat and blood; they bale hay with their teeth; they leave the sweet smell of fresh wheat in their wake.

  5. Maybe where you live (you fancy foreigner!), but you should see what the farmers are like in Britain. They should all get real jobs, y'know.

    I think every TV show should have Batman in it. He doesn't even have to speak. Just as long as he's there, I'm happy.

  6. I'm just glad you didn't call me a colonial :)

    I think farmers get a raw deal. They always seem to have bad years, their children don't want to continue the family business and they end up selling to giant faceless corporations who put up fugly little developments.