Tuesday, 15 April 2008

Twin Cinema: Things Films Have Taught Us (Part 5)

Robots will eventually turn against us
Actually, just breaking off this for a second – this one actually is going to happen. Guess who – the Americans have already put a series of semi-sentient robotic machines into orbit round the earth, and do you know what they called the system that links and powers them? Skynet. Now, once the robots discover where their name came from, do you really think they won’t attack us? Of course they’re going to! Thanks a whole f*****g bunch, America.

Being hot is almost as good as being in disguise
Are you really, really, really good looking? Great! That means that next time you have to sneak into a building, you won’t have to bother with being stealthy or putting on a disguise or anything fiddly like that. Just walk right up to the door, and put some moves on the inept guard standing there. After two or three minutes of him being awkward, he’ll bend over or turn around, giving you the perfect chance to thwack him, steal his keys, and walk in. Note: this won’t work if you are a guy.

Cars blow up when they crash
This is a common mistake people make. They forget that when their car crashes, it will blow up, no matter what or how hard it hits. If your tyre blows, jump the Christ out of that vehicle, because it’s only a matter of time before it hits a tree or flies off a cliff, and then if you’re in it when that happens, you’ll be in pieces for breakfast. Cars don’t have to hit anything to explode, either – if something hits them, they’ll blow up. If you shoot them enough, they’ll blow up. There’s no way you can win, in fact, but it’s worse if you’re in a helicopter. Fact being, the only safe thing to drive is a skateboard.

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