The Saturday News Story: BBC Cocks It All Up Again

Chris Moyles has been criticised for glamourising alcohol abuse, after he allegedly stated that he drinks five pints a day. David Poley, who isn't famous, said that the media "sometimes encourage drunkenness", a statement which has sent shockwaves racing through the BBC. "We've just seen, about a week ago, Chris Moyles on Radio 1 talking again about how he drinks five pints a day," said a visibly horrified Mr Poley.
This will come as a crippling blow to the managing directors of the BBC, who just can't seem to go one day without some sort of scandal going on. On the plus side, it looks like they're really earning that multi-million pound Christmas bonus they got last year.
Mr Poley said that Chris Moyles is "glorifying drunkenness", and he may have a point. Who wouldn't want to look like Chris Moyles?

You are what you drink: and Chris Moyles obviously just drank an overweight, annoying bastard.

BBC executives scrambled together an apology letter to all the millions of people who turned to alcoholism in the aftermath of Moyles' outlandish statement, and hope to God that nobody is going to point out that they've also been recommending that people watch Torchwood.