The Next Step For Wilftonville

With the World yet again poised on the bring of destruction, economy broken and all semblance of humanity crumbling right before our eyes as we suddenly see all the other countries of the world evolve into something threatening and alien, it appears that Wilftonville has a problem to solve. Not for the first time, we find ourselves right smack in the middle of all the problems in the World. To our left is the lovely Queen Rania, batting her eyes softly as she tries to seduce some more pro-Jordon articles out of the Wilftonville keyboard. To our right sits that mad bloke who’s in charge of Italy, eating some spaghetti and muttering darkly about London fashion week. And on top of us is Cliff Richards – which is a little disconcerting.

Whichever way we look, there is some high-profile leader or political figure advancing on us with an intent to assert control over the sought-after gold that are our pool of crack-writers. Did we mean to say crack? It was something that rhymed with it, anyway.

Everyone wants a bit of Wilftonville. Somehow, crazily, we’ve become the go-to website for absolutely all people in existence and we’re taking this fame quite seriously. With the New Year (2009, fact-fans) kicking in, it feels like the time is right for us to change the site into an uber-liberal political protest blog, which fights hard to save the World from itself. Gone will be the constant references to Claudia Winkleman’s feminine beauty and the shameless racism in favour of considered debate – such as one about the actions taken against the Hamas terrorist organisation, and whether the course of action planned in Egypt and France’s peacefire are negotiable or not in the current climate.

It turns out that blogs can actually influence people on political and ethical levels, with just one well-written article - against the death penalty, let’s say – is all that is needed to persuade the important members of Government to drop the law altogether and amend it so a more ethical course can be taken. Wilftonville feels very strongly that we should use our overwhelming fame to stop scientists from doing experiments on zebras. Every Friday we will send a new blog entry to the site, which will feature some hard-hitting facts and statistics which are relevant. But mostly, there will be poorly justified threats and some AREAS OF SHOUTING which will criticise people we don’t really like. Through doing this, we will change the World.

Not really. We’re going to talk about the same silly pop-culture stuff we always did. But did you fall for what we were saying, if only for a minute? Probably not, but it was fun anyway. Every Friday a new topically-relevant article will appear on Wilftonville!