5: "Clana" – Clark and Lana, Smallville
The character of Clark is Smallville is fundamentally a way to stall us. We know that Lana is going to piss off out of the picture eventually, and Lois Lane will take over with the awkward stares and nervous shifting over at the Daily Planet offices. The figure of Lois looms over everything that happens on the show, as we all know that sooner or later the entire cast will be killed off apart from Lex Luthor, Clark’s mum, and Clark himself. None of the others are going to even factor in his life anymore. And seeing how none of them get mentioned in the comics or films anywhere, we can probably assume that Clark is either a heartless bastard or gets amnesia in the near future. Either way, everything that happens on Smallville is completely pointless and doesn’t really factor in any way to the future Superman that Clark is destined to become. On the other side of the partnership, Lana is dull. It makes you wonder if she was always boring, because the Lana who exists on Smallville right now is a black hole of nothing interesting. If any sane man were in Clark’s shoes, by this point they would have completely quit on Lana and moved over to the far better Chloe, played by Allison Mack. Chloe is funnier, smarter, arguably prettier and doesn’t suck all the water out of a room when she enters. Clark looks like a complete spastic for not hooking up with Chloe.
This is the shipping name for any person Jools Holland interviews on his shoes. The guy just can’t do the interviewing bit, people, and we have to let him down gently about this. He can still present Later…, he’s a lovely man and we all greatly respect him for everything he’s ever done. But at the same time, he is a poor interviewer and they should cut out all the interview sections from the show forever. Please.