Thursday, 3 April 2008

FRIENDS Week: Marcel’s Audition Transcript

Director: Good morning, Marcel.

Marcel: Greetings. Good morning to you all, and blessed karma. I just want you all to know that this is a huge blessing to me, so thank you for the opportunity.

Director: That’s okay, Marcel. Right, you’ll be acting out a short scene with David today…

David Schwimmer: Hello Marcel.

Marcel: Hi. Do you have a copy of the script I could look at then, please?

Director: Sure thing.

[Director hands over a copy of Marcel’s script. Marcel sits on a chair and reads it thoughtfully, memorising it all before he stands up again and throws his cigarette to the ground]

Marcel: Okay, I’m ready. Shall we go?

Director: Yes, okay, good. Just stand next to David, please… ah no, not enough height Marcel, could I ask you to stand on the chair, please?

Marcel: Okay. [Does so]

Director: Could you perhaps eat some fruit while you act out the scene for me?

Marcel: Ha! You, you read my mind just then. I was thinking my character should eat some fruit while I did the scene – I was, you read my mind just then.

[Marcel is given some pineapple to eat]

Director: Oh, the height differential is still a bit too much.

David Schwimmer: I’m sorry.

Marcel: That’s alright, David. What do you want us to do?

Director: Could you… get on David’s shoulder?

Marcel: I find that offensive.

Director: I’m sorry, I just…

Marcel: But I suppose, for the role… I’m okay with it if you are, David.

David Schwimmer: I’m comfortable with it.

Marcel: Okay then. [Marcel gets on David’s shoulder]

Director: And could you… later on, could you…?

Marcel: Could I what?

Director: Could you hump the lamp for us?

Marcel: …Fine. For the part, I’ll do it. But I’ll need to put this in my contract, okay?

Director: Fine. And… ACTION!

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