Saturday, 12 April 2008

Chanelle Hayes Suffers An Irrational Amount Of Hate

Chanelle Hayes, for those of you who have been avoiding the underside of rocks and living very much a normal life, was one of the Big Brother contestants in the last contest, and possibly won. I'm not really sure myself. Anyway, the important thing to note is that she dated one of the other contestants while on the show and then while in the tabloids. Her career died down, of course, and she did the lads mags and all that. Now she's trying to foist a pop career on the general public, and although the song is nothing inspiring or interesting at all, it's no better or worse than the rest of the rubbish that constitutes the UK Charts at the moment.
What's wonderful is the way the British public have taken her to heart. Needless to say, they hate her. It's bad enough she does one thing which made her famous, but to continue to make money off the idiocy off the General Public? Kick her out of the country! Here are a few of the better comments posted to her videos on Youtube. For all of our benefit, I've censored them (hi mum!), but at the same time I've decided to analyse each comment, just to make this post more meta. Because you can never be too meta.

"Sounds like Britney, not very yorkshire."
~ This poster wishes to start a Yorkshire/America accent war.

"go back to doing nothing it suited you better."
~ This poster is annoyed at Chanelle for making a living.

"This video is jokes?The girl can not sing and as for trying to look sexy, she looks like a 15 year old chav. "
~ This poster does not find chavs attractive.

"im trying to work out which is worse, the song or the video. tough one. both are so bad its hard for me to lay into them too much, because they arent even good enough to bother. watching and listening makes me embarassed for her.the feeling I have? pity. "
~ This poster feels pity for this successful businesswoman and does not wish to insult her, lest she not be able to accept the shame and guilt.

"she hasnt got any eyebrows."
~ This poster is concerned for Chanelle's physical appearance.

"what is this s**t WHAT A SLUT. their is no nead for her to me going aroud like ths looking like some sort of porn star. WHAT A WANNABEE "
~ This poster does not like porn stars.

"i wud luv 2 bump in2 her in the street just so i could punch her n finally shut her up the fame grabbing attention seeking b*tch shes ugly shes stupid n she acts like a 2 yr old child"
~ This poster would like to illegally attack and injure Chanelle because she is unattractive and relatively unintelligent.

"Must say her looks such a mess during the video indicating low cost one! "
~ This poster finds a correlation between the physical appearance of Chanelle and the amount of funding the music video she appears in must have been given.

"This mite as well be porn the world today is a discrace uff. "
~ This poster wishes to register disgust at the idea of porn being on the internet.

"i thought she had a great personality but now after watching this hmmm...leave it to the professionals love..singing i mean lol or just stick to men's mags cause the music industry don't need another paris hilton"
~ This poster does not accept the appearance of a musical rival to Paris Hilton on the horizon.

"alrite britney wanabe ur shit! do us all a favour nd f*k off u whore!take ur daily star contract nd f*k off 2 the land of the failed bb contestants! B****"
~ This poster believes in a fantastical location somewhere in the World where all the former contestants of Big Brother gather together to live out their lives in relative harmony.


  1. I really do hate Chanelle, she is so annoying and not even that attractive, my bofriend thinks shes rite fit and pisses me off coz i totally disagree she luks a fukin state half the time (massive forehead??) and the worse thing is shes everywhere you look!!!! stop being a wannabe and get a life stupid slut

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  3. This makes equal sense when you add a 't' and leave out the surname... UNCANNY.

    What this post taught me, was, surprisingly, the internet contains pornography.

  4. Then my work here is complete, Ilium.