Twin Cinema: Things Films Have Taught Us (Part 3)

Scientists are hot women, but with glasses
Have you somehow found yourself mixed up in a plot to take over the world? You’ll be needing help from a scientist of some kind. You might think, blegh, I have to spend time with a fat blobby woman with skin disease and a superiority complex, but don’t you fear your little head about it, because actually most scientists are hot women. It might seem tricky to see the prettiness – and everyone she knows will think the same. But see, if you take off her glasses, she’s actually an incredibly hot supermodel in waiting. If you’re a girl and you take glasses off a guy, expect him to grow hunky muscles or be a superhero.

Criminals are one step below children and dogs in terms of intelligence
Criminals can be split into two groups: those who steal diamonds and are swish and flashy and pretty damn cool, and those who decide to try and foil dogs and children. Thankfully, children and dogs are more than enough of a match for even the most elite villain, and will be able to fend them off with some cunning traps. You may find that your dog is able to speak. Don’t be terrified and beat it, screaming “it’s a demon, it’s a demon!” because that will look strange. It’s perfectly natural for dogs to talk, and is actually an asset for you. On a side-note, all cats are evil and will side with the enemy.