Tuesday, 26 February 2008

Terrible Diseases We Can Already Prevent

There are many horrific illnesses in the World which are contracted seemingly at random and kill millions of people a year, but the very most terrible thing is that for quite a few of them, we already have a cure prepared. Yes folks, if you were wondering how Illicitly Eating Flowers could get any more offensive, now we’re going to target people with terminal disease. Please don’t read this blog.


Especially in Africa – as if they haven’t already got enough on their plates what with all them genocides and racist murders and civil wars and third-world debt and that – AIDS kills millions. First you get HIV, and AIDS gets you too. It’s not good, it’s really not. You can pass it on to other people through intimate contact (SEX) or through swapping blood with someone who is already infected. Really, it’d be nice if people didn’t do that anyway, even with people who aren’t infected. That’s yucky.

The Cure:

Condoms! Yes, wear a damn condom! Sure they look like that creepy tubeworm House pulled out of someone on that one episode which was especially disgusting, but they stop you getting fatal diseases! Also, did you ever get those lectures at school where they’d show you pictures of diseased body parts that owed their existence due to their owners having unprotected sex? After seeing those, why would anyone then choose not to use a condom? It stops your bits falling off! So if you don’t want to get AIDS, this is pretty much the best thing to do. We can’t cure the whole HIV/AIDS thing yet, but we can sure as hell stop you from getting it in the first place!

Also: avoid sharing syringes with tramps. Sure, it seems a good idea at the time… but it tends to backfire. No pun intended. (sorry)

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