Tuesday, 5 February 2008

How To Seduce 60 Beautiful Women (PART 1)

One thing people continually ask me is for some advice on how to woo the woman of their dreams. Well, the answer is easy - a cheesy one-liner in a nightclub, followed by alcohol and sex, then some flowers the next day. Never fails. But when it comes to celebrities, things get trickier. Celebrities will only have sex with you if you manage to push the right button regarding something they have done during their career. Luckily for you guys, I've listed 60 women that could be seen as highly attractive, and the best line to use for each one. With this information at your fingertips, there is almost no way you can fail (unless you're ugly or something - but why would an ugly person read this website?)

51: Madonna (singer)
“I’m currently popular with the general public.”
Madonna is not interested in you, so don't think she is. If you can keep her in touch with "the kids" that buy her records though, she'll be all over you like a Jehovah's Witness. Play to this strength.

52: Julie Benz (actress: Buffy, Angel, Dexter)
“Please would you let me ram my stake into you?”
This line shows that you know she played a vampire on the TV shows "Buffy" and "Angel", and has the added bonus of being an elaborately concealed innuendo which is bound to make her laugh.

53: Kylie Minogue (singer, actress)
“You should be so lucky. Lucky, lucky, lucky.”
By playing hard-to-get, you keep her attention, and she'll also appreciate hearing the reference to one of her songs.

54: Emilie de Ravin (actress: LOST)
“Seeing how Charlie’s dead and all, you’ll need a surrogate father for your baby. And I just so happen to have a degree in home economics… You know what you need to do.”
Overlook the fact that this line should be addressed to the character she plays and not to her, the actress, who is completely different to Claire from LOST. Actresses love it when you mistake them for the character they play.

55: Alicia Keys (singer)
“I’ll give you something to put in your diary. And by your diary, I mean your vagina. Guess what it is?”
By inviting her to respond, you thus encourage a conversation.

56: Angela Kinsey (actress, The Office US)
“You’re a funny lady, but do you know what is no laughing matter? The enormity of my penis.”
Get straight to the point. Don't stand around gawping just because she's famous, go up to her and make it clear what you want from her.

57: Eva Green (actress)
“Do you want to have some sex?” [Eva Green is French]
French people need no excuse to have sex. Just by being near her, you enhance your chances of sleeping with her by 93%. If you are female, your chances rise to 85%.

58: Sarah Lancaster (actress, Chuck)
“Hey, you’re in Chuck, right? Well I’d like to ‘chuck’ myself into your bountiful bosom. How about it?”
Women like to be complimented, and the clever wordplay revolving around the word "chuck" should just about spring this one for you.

59: Natasha Bedingfield (singer)
“I heard you bruise easily – how easily?”
This one has to be said in the correct tone of voice. While you say this line to her, try to make your penis seem as large as possible. Singers are nearly always into kinky stuff, so don't be afraid to play up that angle.

60: Alanis Morissette (singer)
“You know what’s ironic? The way you hate men gets me so hot I’d like to put one hand in your pocket, and the other… you get the idea”
Don't mention the fact that her song is not actually ironic, but instead imply that you think it was great. Showing how strong you are in your masculinity is a must with Alanis, because at the first sign of weakness she'll write a song about you.

No comments:

Post a Comment