Wednesday, 16 January 2008

You Monster! Why Joss Whedon Feels The Need To Kill

Kill #1.

The World is a terrifying place sometimes, what with terrorism and governments and all them people in the papers saying we’re all going get killed, and soon, and painfully. Scientists aren’t much help either, obsessed as they are with creating new weapons that go explode when nobody expects them to, or finding new diseases for us to all contract. In these times of crisis, we turn to TV to amuse us and help us forget that at any moment we’ll all be killed by mutants created by a Japanese experiment gone wrong. But wait! You’re watching a Joss Whedon show, cos they’re the best ones, and people keep dying there too...! What’s going on?
Well you see, Joss loves to kill off people more than anyone else on the planet. Every time he writes something new, people start dropping right left and centre. So in honour of his insatiable need to kill, here’s a look at 13 of the deaths he's caused so far, why he caused them, and just how much of a monster (out of ten) he is for slaying each person. Enjoy!

He Killed Off Jenny Calendar!

Who Was She?

An IT Teacher who became friends with the main characters and helped them, especially Giles (if by 'help' you mean 'frantic monkey sex'. There, I said it, and I'm not apologising). In a word; she was the hot teacher you had in school who looked like she would probably be a wildcat in the sack. Jenny Calendar appeared during the first season of Buffy, and lasted until the end of season 2, serving as a love interest to everyone’s favourite librarian, Giles. They kept going on and off again in the relationship, due to various secrets and near-death experiences (note to all you love-birds out there; don't try and kill each other), but we loved her, because we got to see Giles become an interesting character, which he wasn't to begin with, all because of her influence on him. She was a computer teacher and a witch, and did I mention how hot she was?

How Did She Die?

Just after she found the one spell that could stop evil vampire Angelus from destroying mankind, he managed to catch up to her and break her neck - which was bloody good timing, really.

Why Did She Die?

She died because Angel had to seem like a genuine threat. There were all these characters running around, and none of them were dying, which made it seem as if all these teenagers were invincible. Considering they live in a world filled with demons and magic and vampires, this takes away from the danger of the show somewhat. Also, Joss’ wife was probably getting a bit annoyed that he kept hiring hot actresses for his new show, and demanded that he kill the Milfiest one in an act of atonement. It was also pretty clear that Giles was getting too happy, and JOSS WANT CRUSH HAPPINESS. Simple as that. The Hulk starts crushing things when people piss him off. Joss crushes things when they don’t piss him off enough. He’s fun like that.

Joss, You Monster! Rating:

6. It was sad and all, but we got to see Giles try and have bloody vengeance against Angelus, which was wholly awesome. Crossbows and bombs were involved, andyou just don't see enough of those things these days. Shame, that.

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